T’shuvah is one of the most important acts in Judaism. The idea that one can turn back to the right path, seek forgiveness, and do better, is what makes Judaism attainable and realistic, rather than an unreachable ideal.
T’shuvah (repentance) is also one of the hardest acts for us to do. We are all afraid to admit our wrongdoings; to let others know that we make mistakes. We are embarrassed, even when we know we need to make amends.
In the past few months, I committed a grave chet (sin). I was not there for a congregational family who relied upon me, as their rabbi, for support in a time of crisis. By not being there, I not only failed to provide comfort, but also caused them great pain and anguish. For this I am truly sorry. As I realized the pain that I had caused, I consulted with rabbinic and other mentors about what I could do. I know that there is little I can do to erase that pain, but it is my responsibility, if I am to hold myself up to the ideals that I profess and teach from the bimah, to engage in the Jewish process of t’shuvah. The first stage of t’shuvah is admitting the chet (sin). The second stage of t’shuvah is to spend the time and effort needed in order to do what I can to make things right, and I have already made steps in that attempt.
The next stages of t’shuvah (receiving forgiveness from the ones I have wronged, and receiving atonement) are between me and the family involved. However, there is a final stage of t’shuvah which relates to the rest of the congregation as well. The final stage of t’shuvah is to be in the same position again, and not to commit the same chet. If I truly make t’shuvah, if I want to live up to how both you, as a congregation, and I, as your rabbi, perceive my role, I need to make concrete steps to do better in the future. I freely admit, that is is not the first time that I have been there for a family in need, and it pains me that this is so. What then can I do to not only be there in the future, but to restore the trust of my congregation?
The first thing is that I need to get out of the office more - and make those calls and visits. When I was at the CCAR conference in Los Angeles, I met with a Rabbinic coach who gave me some advice and helped me refine my next steps. I have also discussed this process with the Temple President and 1st Vice President, and shared it with the Board of Trustees. I also felt that I should share it with you, the congregation, through this column.
My role as rabbi is to be there for you, as congregants. On my part, I will try to reach out to congregants whom I have not seen recently - through phone calls, and then follow up, if desired, with visits. On your part, I would ask that you reach out to me. Please let me know if you are sick or in need of a call or visit, or if you know of someone who is in need of such a visit. Any information that you share with me is confidential. Indeed, I will not share your name with the Caring Committee, or put it on the Mi Shebeirach list, unless I have asked you first (or you have notified the Temple office). I will keep a log of such requests, calls, and visits to be shared with the Temple leadership - the fact of the visits, not the content of the conversations.
I hope that it will not come to this, but if I do not respond in what you consider to be a timely manner, please hold me accountable. If you have asked for a call or visit, and I have not responded, it is my error, but please call or write again. Let me know that this is your second attempt. If I then do not respond as you would wish or expect, please contact the Temple president. As a congregant, you have a right to accountability and to expect the reasonable services of your rabbi and congregation.
For some, I have breached the trust between Rabbi and congregant, and I know that this rift will take a long time to heal. I am committed, through the process of t’shuvah, to heal that rift. I, humbly, ask for your help in this endeavor - please let me know what I am doing right, and when I am failing to live up to your expectations. Only then I can I hope to move forward and serve you, my congregation, in the way to which I aspire and that you deserve.
No comments:
Post a Comment