Telling Our History in the First Person - May 2013

And you will tell the story to your child on that day, saying, “This is because of what Adonai did for me, in rescuing me from Egypt.” - Exodus 13:8

Early in April, I travelled to Central Europe with the nine members of our Confirmation class and chaperone Lynda Goldshein.  For me, this is the thirteenth time that I have been privileged to take this trip.  When I interviewed at Temple Sholom, I knew how important this trip was to the congregation, as it rated a question in my interview and was one of the two items featured on the Temple website.  Each year, I have discovered anew the importance of this trip, not only to the students who take the trip, but to the chaperones, those we visit, and to the congregation as a whole.  I encourage you to attend our Shavuot evening service, on Tuesday, May 14th at 7pm.  Our new confirmands will lead the service and share what they have learned here at the Temple and from their travels, as they stand to take their place in shalshelet hakabbalah - the chain of Jewish tradition.

The trip is nine days.  We leave the first Saturday after Pesach ends and return the next Sunday.  We have visited Warsaw and Prague, but more recently Berlin, Krakow and Budapest.  The students prepare for the trip by learning about Jewish choices throughout history - going back to Abraham’s father Terach, through the destruction of the Temple, the Middle Ages, the Enlightenment, and the shtetl.  In Europe, they learn first-hand not only about the terrible destruction of the European Jewish community in the Holocaust, but the two-thousand years of history of European Jewry that came first, and the struggles of the contemporary European Jewish community.  Ask any current or former student about the highlights of the trip, and the answers may surprise you.  Some will talk about the beauty of Krakow.  Others about the service that we hold to say kaddish by the ruined crematoria in Birkenau (Auschwitz II).  A few will talk about the Stumbling Stones scattered in the streets of Berlin, each one marking a Jew who was taken from their home and later perished in the Shoah.  Many will tell you about our Shabbat evening in Budapest, where we participate in a Hebrew/English/Hungarian service with our sister congregation - Szim Salom, who then treat us to Shabbat dinner, and a spirited song session.  They will all talk about the pierogies and the unique experiences they shared with their classmates.  (...and most of them will refer to the trip in a college application essay.) The trip, started by Rabbi Goldman, still creates a life-long impact in those who are able to participate.  A debt of gratitude is owed to the Temple for nurturing this trip, all those who have donated to the Confirmation Scholarship funds and participated in class fundraisers, and especially to those chaperones who have given of their time, their resources, and themselves to take time away from work and family to travel with teenagers.

The trip is different each year, even when we visit the same locations with the same guides.  Each class brings its own character and takes away something different.  However, there is also a profound change happening in our Jewish community, and a new responsibility is falling on the shoulders of our Confirmands.  Our congregation has once again taken the lead, through our dedicated Yom haShoah committee, in not only commemorating the Holocaust, but working hard to provide an opportunity for all of us to hear directly the voices of survivors.  Yet, each year, there are less and less of those voices to hear.  We are in a similar situation as our Israelite ancestors in the wilderness - the generation that witnessed the events of the Exodus had passed on; how could we carry on the immediate message of eyewitness accounts?

We are commanded, first in the citation above from the first seder while we are still in Egypt, to retell the story each year, and to tell it from the voice of personal experience.  Our Confirmation students, each year, share that they may have learned before about the Holocaust, and may have been deeply moved by the facts, but being present - at the House of the Wannsee Conference in Berlin, at Sachsenhausen, in the ghetto in Krakow, at Auschwitz/Birkenau, at the spot where the Shoe Memorial marks the Arrow Cross murders along the Danube - is an altogether different experience.  Beginning with their Confirmation service (Erev Shavuot - 14 May), they begin to retell this story of what happened to them - as first-hand witnesses. In doing so, they join our chain of Jewish tradition in a special way - telling their accounts of their lives - of their own Exodus, of their own Shoah. In this way, we will never forget; in this way, we will pass on our stories and ourselves, from generation to generation.

Rabbi Joel N. Abraham

T'shuvah - April 2013

T’shuvah is one of the most important acts in Judaism. The idea that one can turn back to the right path, seek forgiveness, and do better, is what makes Judaism attainable and realistic, rather than an unreachable ideal.

T’shuvah (repentance) is also one of the hardest acts for us to do.  We are all afraid to admit our wrongdoings; to let others know that we make mistakes.  We are embarrassed, even when we know we need to make amends.

In the past few months, I committed a grave chet (sin).  I was not there for a congregational family who relied upon me, as their rabbi, for support in a time of crisis.  By not being there, I not only failed to provide comfort, but also caused them great pain and anguish.  For this I am truly sorry. As I realized the pain that I had caused, I consulted with rabbinic and other mentors about what I could do.  I know that there is little I can do to erase that pain, but it is my responsibility, if I am to hold myself up to the ideals that I profess and teach from the bimah, to engage in the Jewish process of t’shuvah.  The first stage of t’shuvah is admitting the chet (sin).  The second stage of t’shuvah is to spend the time and effort needed in order to do what I can to make things right, and I have already made steps in that attempt.

The next stages of t’shuvah (receiving forgiveness from the ones I have wronged, and receiving atonement) are between me and the family involved.  However, there is a final stage of t’shuvah which relates to the rest of the congregation as well.  The final stage of t’shuvah is to be in the same position again, and not to commit the same chet.  If I truly make t’shuvah, if I want to live up to how both you, as a congregation, and I, as your rabbi, perceive my role, I need to make concrete steps to do better in the future.  I freely admit, that is is not the first time that I have been there for a family in need, and it pains me that this is so.  What then can I do to not only be there in the future, but to restore the trust of my congregation?

The first thing is that I need to get out of the office more - and make those calls and visits.  When I was at the CCAR conference in Los Angeles, I met with a Rabbinic coach who gave me some advice and helped me refine my next steps.  I have also discussed this process with the Temple President and 1st Vice President, and shared it with the Board of Trustees.  I also felt that I should share it with you, the congregation, through this column.

My role as rabbi is to be there for you, as congregants.  On my part, I will try to reach out to congregants whom I have not seen recently - through phone calls, and then follow up, if desired, with visits.  On your part, I would ask that you reach out to me.  Please let me know if you are sick or in need of a call or visit, or if you know of someone who is in need of such a visit.  Any information that you share with me is confidential.  Indeed, I will not share your name with the Caring Committee, or put it on the Mi Shebeirach list, unless I have asked you first (or you have notified the Temple office).  I will keep a log of such requests, calls, and visits to be shared with the Temple leadership - the fact of the visits, not the content of the conversations.

I hope that it will not come to this, but if I do not respond in what you consider to be a timely manner, please hold me accountable.  If you have asked for a call or visit, and I have not responded, it is my error, but please call or write again.  Let me know that this is your second attempt.  If I then do not respond as you would wish or expect, please contact the Temple president.  As a congregant, you have a right to accountability and to expect the reasonable services of your rabbi and congregation.

For some, I have breached the trust between Rabbi and congregant, and I know that this rift will take a long time to heal.  I am committed, through the process of t’shuvah, to heal that rift.  I, humbly, ask for your help in this endeavor - please let me know what I am doing right, and when I am failing to live up to your expectations.  Only then I can I hope to move forward and serve you, my congregation, in the way to which I aspire and that you deserve.