Searching through classic Jewish texts, the word “thank” or “thanks” appears quite often, but almost invariably the entity to whom one is giving that thanks is God. The very first prayer that we are supposed to say upon waking is modeh ani l’fanecha... - “I thank you, God, who has returned my soul to me, in mercy; great is your trustworthiness.” During the t’fillah, in very prayer service, we say the hoda’ah, which begins modim anachu lach - “We give thanks to You.” We end the service with aleinu l’shabeach la’adon hakol - “It is incumbent upon us to give thanks to the Lord of all.” Gratitude is one of our primary approaches to God - as we say in the kiddush each Shabbat - for, at the very least, creating the world, and freeing us from Egypt.
Thanking other people, however, seems have been given a miss. This past month, the Board of Trustees began a continuing conversation about expressing our gratitude to others in the Temple. The overwhelming consensus is that we do not do enough to publicly thank all those (volunteers and staff) who give our Temple its very life. Where the discussion arose was in how we can, appropriately and within our limited resources, give thanks. There are a few caveats to public acknowledgements of thanks - some of which came up in conversation and some of which I have added to the list:
- It is a given that someone will be forgotten, no matter how long the list of thanks.
- Sometimes thanking some people causes more problems than thanking no people because people who have been omitted (see rule above) or not thanked correctly can feel slighted.
- Different people consider different types of thanks sufficient - some are happy with a brief verbal thanks, in person at the time of service rendered; others prefer a phone call. For some an e-mail is enough. For others, e-mail is too impersonal, and a note is preferred.
- Who offers thanks, and what that person represents to the person being thanked, matters a great deal. Some people prefer thanks from the people they have been working with; some from the more general body, so what they have done is officially recognized.
- Often, the person expected to give the thanks is in a position where they do not receive much overt gratitude, recognition, or positive feedback. It can be difficult to get water from an empty cistern.
- Even if giving thanks is a necessary and right thing to do, asking people to take time to give formal thanks takes away from their available time to do things deserving of thanks.
Of course, none of these are an excuse not to say thank you, and the point of the discussion is to try and do it better. Perhaps the reason that Jewish text is so silent on the issue of giving thanks, is that it tries to put our interpersonal relationships in a broader context. If we wish to be respected, said Ben Zoma above, then we must show respect. More to the point, the more that we say thank you, the more we will be thanked. Although we understand what Antigonos of Sochos says, earlier in Pirkei Avot(paraphrased), “Do not be one who gives for the sake of reward,” we also appreciate being appreciated. We should thank others, but in the overall way in which we show them respect - respect for who they are, where they come from, as well as for what they have done.
On my part, a general thank you to all those who help make this congregation the best it can be - its officers and trustees, committee chairs and members, volunteers of all stripes; our staff - office, teaching, and custodial; and members of the congregation who give of themselves, and who let us know what we are doing right and what we could be doing better. I will try, in this coming year, to do a better and more public job of thanking people for what I know that they have done. Thank you, in advance, for your patience and your consideration.
