Hineni he’ani mima’as
Here I am, truly with nothing [to show for myself] Erev Rosh haShanah, Mishkan haNefesh
This month of Elul, the four weeks prior to Rosh haShanah, are for self-reflection. The idea is to head into the New Year ready to ask atonement for the t’shuvah (repentance) we have already made. The liturgy of the High HolyDays often seems harsh, pushing some of us deeper and broader than we would push ourselves. We begin by abasing ourselves - we say we are without merit. But this level of abject humility seems unhealthy. If we spoke with someone who said they were worth nothing, we would immediately, as armchair psychologists, assume that they were suffering from depression. When we are mentally healthy, we have a robust ego. We imagine not only that we have worth, but that our value is intrinsically important to ourselves, our family, our community and our world.
For this reason, the High HolyDay liturgy asks us to take a step back. Much of the liturgy is purposely not for everyday or even weekly reflection. Instead, if we are going to take one time a year to see things from a different perspective, then we are challenged to truly see things without any of our dearly held preconceptions. We imagine that what we do each day - the choices that we have come to accept and to live with - are, if not ideal, reasonable and acceptable. Small accommodations may have evolved into major compromises. Those compromises may be necessary; they may not. Taking a chance to remove the glasses of familiarity and wipe off the shmutz of the everyday can give us a chance to see clearly what our eyes may have skipped past.
So, at the beginning of Rosh haShanah worship, those of us leading the congregation in worship are asked to be an example by acknowledging that what we consider of great worth, what value we have added, may not accrue to our actions; may not be something we can rely on to be credited to our account. What we have accomplished is not by our hands alone, but by all the hands we have held as we work together. A renewed appreciation of those who have helped us can give us the strength to see what we need to change in ourselves.
For the past two months, I have been on sabbatical, and I wish that all of you could be given the opportunity to step back from your work responsibilities to take up new tasks and see things with fresh eyes. You have done that for me, but I regret I cannot do that for you. What we can do, together, is take this High HolyDay period, with its enforced shabbat of a day or two or three, and create a space where we can see things differently and support each other in a resolve to change - to change in the ways that we would wish for ourselves. Alone, I have nothing in my hands that can do that for you - but together, we can create a sacred space to welcome in a new year of growth and renewal.
Shanah tovah,
Rabbi Joel N. Abraham
