You've Got a Rabbi - Now Use Him

Aseih l’cha rav v’kanei l’cha chaver.

Get for yourself a rabbi and [then?] acquire for yourself a comrade.

R. Yehoshua b. Perechaia Pirke Avot 1:6

This past month I received a phone call from someone who needed to discuss an ethical dilemma. We spent a good hour on the phone – not only talking about the issue involved but also about their family and what else was going on in their life. I was very honored by the phone call – not only by the trust shown by sharing a personal decision with me, but also by the fact that this person saw me in that role – a person to turn to when seeking help for an important decision. As I reflected afterward, something occurred to me that might have been obvious – I was that person’s rabbi. Further reflection made me face another truth – if that was such an important rabbinic role, why wasn’t I engaging in such conversations with others more often?

In the beginning of Pirke Avot, there is the interesting injunction quoted above. Since Pirke Avot, and especially its first chapter, focuses on the transmission of Rabbinic knowledge, one can interpret the phrase as the description of the classic mode of Jewish study. First, find a master – one who knows more than you do and can therefore direct your studies and then find a study partner, someone who is at your level, who can challenge and encourage you as you learn. In Judaism we call this chevrutah study – you find a chaver – a friend or partner, with whom you study. Jewish study is not meant to be done alone. It is in the dialogue – the questions and answers – that real learning happens.

Researching further, however, the Urban Dictionary (www.urbandictionary.com) has the following definition of “rabbi” - (noun) By metaphor from the Jewish religious role, an older, more powerful or higher-ranking person in the corporation where one works (but usually not in the chain of command) who can give good advice about office politics, and may be able to pull strings, remove heads, or otherwise provide protection from hostile forces. William Safire’s Political Dictionary has the following definition: rabbi – Sponsor, or sage adviser; mentor. When given a unique political sense, this word has no religious or spiritual significance. In political relationships a rabbi is primarily a sponsor or protector, although there is a second meaning of mentor or teacher. “Who’s his rabbi?” is a question often asked by wary hatchetmen before cutting loose at a target… Dating back to the 1950’s in New York police slang, rabbi was used in a 1989 CNN commentary…

Obviously, the role of rabbi has changed much since the time of the Talmud and is even different today among the different branches of Judaism. I do not expect congregants to bring me their chickens to determine whether they are treif or not. Nor can I realistically help someone get a promotion. However, a rabbi does much more than lead religious services. In addition to teaching in the religious school, being involved in our general community, visiting the sick, and riding herd on the Temple office, I very much enjoy the personal interaction with congregants. I thought over why the individual above might have chosen to discuss this ethical dilemma with me. Over the past few years, the two of us had many discussions together about various different subjects. Together, we had created trust and a safe space for a difficult discussion because of the time that we had both put in together. There are a few congregants with whom I have spent that amount of time – whether through volunteer work in the Temple, crises in their lives, classes, or one-on-one study. I would like to build such a relationship with each and every congregant. Of course, there is a limitation on the time that I have available in a given day, week, or month, but I do not think that I am yet at capacity for such encounters.

Therefore, I would like to make explicit what I consider an implicit invitation of my role as rabbi. I would like to invite each and every one of you to begin a deeper conversation. Give me a call (908 889-4900) or send me an e-mail (rabbi@sholomnj.org) and let’s set a time to sit down and talk. I have had a few congregants who wanted to pursue Jewish study – I would suggest a book which they would read and then we would discuss. I have sat down for lunch with different congregants and learned about who they are and why they are part of Temple Sholom. I have answered questions, shared stories, and even taken walks. Let me know how you want to get together, and I will meet you there.

I look forward to speaking with you in person.