Take a Break - February 2017

Six years you shall sow your fields, and six years prune your vines, and gather the produce, but in the seventh year, the land shall have a sabbath of sabbaths - a Shabbat to God: You will not sow your field; you will not prune your vines. Lev. 25:3-4

Some sabbatical reflections: Almost eight years ago, as I began my second decade with Temple Sholom, the congregation gave me the ability to take some sabbatical time.  Taking a whole year off seemed daunting to a moderate-sized congregation, so we arranged that I would be able to take a cumulative six months over the five years of that contract, avoiding B’nei Mitzvah and major Temple events.  I ended up taking a month here and there - usually in the summer months, or December to January.  Because of Temple needs, one month of those six ended up in this current contract, and now I have completed, over eight years, the six months of rest.  Since I am grateful to the congregation for this opportunity, I thought I would share some of my thoughts, looking backward and forward.

At the beginning, my goals for sabbatical were three-fold.  Based on the text above, one primary goal was rest - a chance not to be on-call, or concerned about what was happening next.  But rest, in and of itself, seemed just to be a vacation, and a second goal was to see what arose from “lying fallow” - seeing what might sprout without careful tilling and tending.  To be able to see things in a different way, I tried to visit other congregations and even other religion’s services, but also just to take time to observe and re-examine old assumptions.  Third, I wanted to be able to take some time to study.  The more I learn, the more I can share, but study time often gets lost in the press of day to day.

Looking back, I can see some of the fruits of this time now brought into our congregation.  The ideas of sharing the joys in our week, as well as the sorrows, after we light the candles, came from sabbatical reflection on the nature of our communal worship - as did the time we now cherish when those in mourning share a memory of those they have come to remember at the Mourners’ Kaddish.  Our Hebrew school’s re-focus on helping our children to be “leaders of meaningful (Reform) Jewish worship” came before a sabbatical, but the repercussions were reinforced and expanded in sabbatical reflection.  I also had time to work with some of our larger Reform movement organizations - the Central Conference of American Rabbis on a project to help other rabbis with sabbatical; the Union for Reform Judaism on education at our teen leadership academy at the Kutz Camp; and exploring the concept of creating a Doctor of Ministry in Social Justice at the Hebrew Union College, our seminary.  As to study, I did a little bit of Hebrew brush up guided by Dr. Stanley Nash, but, by and large, the times of sabbatical were not conducive to the academic calendar.

After this month, I have returned with some ideas about how to help congregants fulfill their purposes and find meaning by engaging in the social justice work of their hearts - but more about that in the months to come.  I return from these widely-spaced tastes of sabbatical with gratitude to you, and a hope that, in taking time to let whatever may grow, grow, there are new things to feed our community.  I recognize that not everyone - barely anyone - is able to take extended time away from their careers (by choice) without the worry of continued employment, but I encourage you to take what moments you may - even each week at services - to step back, to let life flow by at its own pace, and to try to see things from a bit of a different angle.  We work so hard to sow and to prune - expecting everything to bloom as we expect.  It rarely does - and there is a gift in discovering what can grow and prosper when we step back and give a little space.

Thank you again.

Rabbi Joel N. Abraham

What is Hateful to You is a Low Bar - January 2017

דעלך סני לחברך לא תעביד

What is hateful to you, do not do to your neighbor - Hillel, Talmud Bavli, Shabbat 31a

The sage Hillel gives this summation when asked to describe the entire Torah to someone seeking to convert to Judaism by learning everything necessary while standing on one foot.  Hillel’s rival, Shammai sends the person away, but Hillel summarizes the Torah with this phrase, concluding “This is the whole Torah; the rest is commentary.  Now go and learn it.”

Let’s take this moment to engage in commentary.  For much of my life, I have admired this statement of Hillel’s, mainly for its practicality, in comparison with the contemporary New Testament’s phrasing of the Golden Rule - “Do unto others, as you would have them do unto you.”  As a smart aleck child, I would say, I want someone to give me a million dollars, but I can’t give them a million dollars.  Hillel’s phrasing seemed more do-able.  I could certainly avoid engaging in behavior that I would not want done to me.

Lately, however, I have come to see that Hillel’s ideal falls short of what we need in our modern world.  The phrase embodies sympathy - we project our feelings on the other person, and feel for them.  I would argue that we are called to empathy  - not to project ourselves, but the reverse - to imagine how that person feels themselves, not as we would wish them to feel.  I would take Hillel a step further - “What is hateful to your neighbor, do not do to them.”

Perhaps this seems common sense.  It would be foolish not to give your neighbor a loaf of bread because you are allergic to gluten; or even to share with them your favorite cheese pizza if they are lactose intolerant.  However, there is difficulty in achieving this more lofty goal.  We know what is hateful to us; we do not need to do any research.  To know what is hateful to our neighbor, we have to know them.  We have to engage in dialogue and get to know what they value and what they loathe.  We cannot guess what is hateful to our neighbor; we must take the time to find out.

I bring this understanding to the current debate about “political correctness”.  I would define political correctness in the following way- everyone has the right to not be called by a name that causes them pain.  If a native American objects to being called an Indian, then what right do I have to tell them that it should not bother them?  If someone of African-American descent wants to be called Black, or of color, or however they choose to identify, I owe them as a fellow human being the right to name themselves.  And, if such a name or identification used in another place, such as a team name or mascot, then I should empathize and feel the echo of the pain that they feel.

We have engaged in this research in many ways at Temple Sholom.  We have invited those without homes into our synagogue home and asked them what they need.  Our JU teenagers have gone to visit the local Muslim community center, to get to know students their own age, but of a different faith.  Our older teens are taking part in a Better Together project to hear about the experiences of African-American peers, Jewish seniors, and their peers as well.

All the rest is commentary - and what we have taken upon ourselves as the inheritors of Judaism, is to continue the conversation and the commentary.  As Samuel Holdheim, the radical Reformer of the 19th century said, the Talmud was right for the ideology of its time, and I am right for the higher ideology of mine.  We have come to understand that names do cause harm. How can we do anything else than empathize - and not do what is hateful to our neighbor?

Rabbi Joel N. Abraham

Chasing Peace - November/December 2016

Rabbi’s Column - November/December 2016 - Chasing Peace

הִלֵּל אוֹמֵר, הֱוֵי מִתַּלְמִידָיו שֶׁל אַהֲרֹן, אוֹהֵב שָׁלוֹם וְרוֹדֵף שָׁלוֹם, אוֹהֵב אֶת הַבְּרִיּוֹת וּמְקָרְבָן לַתּוֹרָה:

Hillel would say, “Be like the students of Aaron (the brother of Moses): Love peace and pursue peace, love all of creation, and bring people near to Torah.” Pirke Avot 1:12

By the time you read these words, the election of 2016 will (probably) be over.  That makes prediction very difficult.  However, regardless of the outcome, our country will need to come together.  At this point, most people are counting down the days until after the election.  However, just reaching November 9th will not solve any of the problems that have arisen in this bitter political season.  Although there may be no more political ads on TV, your e-mail inbox may not refill each day with requests for donations, and there will be no more televised debates, the aftermath of the election will be more than the healing that needs to come from hurtful rhetoric, but the realization of the actual issues that we may have, naively, thought were behind us.  Peace is not the absence of conflict; peace is easing the pain and suffering of all.

We often ask just for a moment of peace and quiet - as if a cessation of noise would make all the bad things go away. In fact, we often return to the real world to find that things have boiled over in our absence, and that there is more tension rather than less.  When Hillel, above, spoke of peace, he did not mean the peace that we find with a pillow over our heads, but the peace that comes when agitation is actually lessened.

In the past year, we have seen open anti-Semitism, class conflict, tensions between native US citizens and immigrants, fear of Muslims, and a demonization of our political structure.  The end of the election is not the end of these important feelings  - which we must confront to overcome.  Government is actually one of the chief means that we have, in our democracy, to address these issues.  If we settle for the peace of not thinking about Congress between elections, we remove our heads from the sand to find things have only gotten worse.  We need to talk to our politicians not when they are coming to us and asking for our votes (and our money), but when they are sitting in Washington.  If we want our government to be responsive to the people, we need to respond to our government - not just during the political season.

The challenge for us, as of November 9th, is to let our elected officials know that, whether we voted for them or not, they are still our representatives - that we expect them to work, not to posture.  We want them to meet with the people across the aisle, and come to deals that make none of us overjoyed, but bring different sides of the issue together in working for a solution.

Here is how to pursue peace - start with yourself.  After you re-establish the relationships with your friends, family, and co-workers whom you defriended over the past eight months, write a letter to your Congressional representative, your Senator, your President, and even your state Assemblypeople and Senators.  Congratulate them on their victory, then lay out the issues that you think they need to tackle first.  Tell them you want them to speak with people of differing opinions - and to make compromises.  Tell them you want to stay in the loop, and read what they send you.  If you want to go the next step, schedule a visit to their district or Washington/Trenton offices and meet with their staff.

The only hope of peace is the pursuit of peace.  It take effort.  Let us do what we can to restore and rebuild the peace of our nation.  Let us remember to respect all of creation - no matter who they may have voted for, and let us show that we bring people near to Torah by living out the values of Torah in our own lives.

Rabbi Joel N Abraham

Ask, Then Do - October 2016

And so, my fellow Americans: ask not what your country can do for you — ask what you can do for your country. - John F. Kennedy, Inaugural Address, January 20, 1961

These are perhaps the most well-known and oft-repeated words by President Kennedy, or of any American president’s inaugural speech.  The new president was urging Americans - and the world - to recognize the miraculous age in which they lived: an age in which the evils of poverty and starvation could be eliminated, and all peoples could live in freedom.  The wish was not naive.  President Kennedy was speaking in the backdrop of the Cold War - a world where the most powerful and richest of nations were divided into two oppositional groups, spending their resources in combatting each other, rather than aiding their own people or the rest of the world.  John F. Kennedy’s legacy is mixed - along with the idealistic Peace Corps, there was the brinksmanship of the Cuban missile crisis.  We reached for the moon, but we also crept closer to Viet Nam.  Yet, today, as we look back toward an idealistic age, we wish for a time when we could still be inspired by a larger, communal vision.

As I enter my eighteenth year here at Temple Sholom, one of the things that I been most proud of is how we have transformed ourselves into a “Congregation of Learners” - not that we all are taking opportunities to learn more about our Judaism (which would be nice), but that we reflect on our congregational experience and are not afraid to change in order to do better what we seek to do.  Over the past two decades, we have become a singing congregation, a congregation more focussed on its community than its exterior surroundings; a green congregation; a welcoming congregation; an educationally innovative congregation; and, in the coming year, we seek to transform ourselves into a community of choice and commitment.  We recognize (like every airline host says) you have a choice to belong to the Temple Sholom community or not - and that the amount of money that you give us should be the least factor in making that affiliation.  What is more important is that we are a comfortable place for you to worship; people that you know who will comfort you in sorrow and celebrate with you in joy; a companion in the work you do to make the world a better place; a partner in learning and teaching your family to deepen your Jewish practice; and a place to be rejuvenated and see the world anew.  Your commitment to that community is not solely financial, but is the time that  you spend in nurturing our community - whether by putting up the Sukkah, sending a card to someone who is ill, planning a fundraiser, or even showing a guest where to find the water fountain.

You will hear more about how we as a community will work to build choice and commitment over the next year - from your Trustees, officers, and other congregants like you.  At this moment, however, I want to remind us all of a collective responsibility we have to the world outside our walls - and that is to participate in our democracy.  We have talked over the last several months about having, rather than avoiding, political conversations.  We would be well-served by listening to another section of JFK’s inaugural cited above:

Let both sides explore what problems unite us instead of belabouring those problems which divide us....

Let both sides seek to invoke the wonders of science instead of its terrors. Together let us explore the stars, conquer the deserts, eradicate disease, tap the ocean depths, and encourage the arts and commerce.

Let both sides unite to heed in all corners of the earth the command of Isaiah — to "undo the heavy burdens -. and to let the oppressed go free."

Having engaged in the discussions, we now need to exercise our responsibility to vote.  

If your voter registration is not current, you have until October 18th to register (http://www.state.nj.us/state/elections/voting-information.html)

If you’re registered, but will not be able to visit your poling place on Tuesday, November 8th, you have until seven days before the election (November 1, 2016) to mail in a request for a ballot http://www.state.nj.us/state/elections/voting-information-vote-by-mail.html

or 3pm the day before (November 7, 2016) to pick one up in person.

In the New Year of 5777, let us build that ideal world together.  L’shanah tovah.

Rabbi Abraham

Temple or Not Temple? September 2016

I have just returned from another energizing and engaging week at URJ Eisner Camp.  One of the hot topics in Jewish education over the last few years is how do we take the energy of camp and bring it to our religious school programs.  My wife Michelle, our former Director of Education, is actually one of the leaders in the field of figuring out what makes camp camp, Jewish camp Jewish, and how we can transfer those models to other spaces.

Outside of education, we can also look at the similarities and differences between (Jewish summer) camp and synagogue.  Both are intentional Jewish communities, where a stated purpose is for participants to engage their own Judaism more deeply and to grow Jewishly.  However, in some important aspects, camps are not only different from synagogues, but the complete opposite.

Camps are top-down: The program of a camp - from the food being served to who gets hired by the camp is decided by a camp director.  All of the staff at camp has one boss, and that boss gets to set the priorities, from high to low.  Synagogues are bottom - up:  Congregants are the ones who run committees, staff the Board of Trustees, and fill the offices that make the decisions for the Temple.

Camps are encapsulated experiences:  Every piece of the camp environment (except perhaps the weather) is controlled by the camp; especially who can be where when.  There is no choice not to attend t’fillah (services) or breakfast.  There may be electives, but everyone has to be in a sport during sports period.  Further, a camper cannot just decide to leave camp.  Even communication is restricted - with most camps banning phones and computers.  Children have to actually write letters to their parents, who can only see them on visiting day, or in the photos the camp chooses to publish. Synagogues are open and voluntary: Congregants spend as much (or as little) time inside the synagogue, in Temple activities, or with other congregants, as they wish.  There is no mandated attendance at services.  Congregants can talk to each other, or whomever they wish about whatever they wish - and they often do.

Camps are of limited duration: Attendance is only for a session.  This builds up excitement in the off-time, but also acknowledges a limit to the experience. Synagogue affiliation is open-ended:  Jewish life is life-long.  The level of engagement may change, but being Jewish (generally) does not.  Participation needs to remain exciting 24/7/365.

Camps are not the real world: Ask any camper - behaviors that are completely acceptable at camp are not only socially unacceptable back in school, but often unexplainable.  Lying in a pile of fellow campers, singing the camp alma mater, and crying hysterically is a normal behavior at camp, but bizarre elsewhere. Synagogues are the real world: While it may be ok to break out into song at services, everyone in the building may not be a “native” and so some behavior may feel embarrassing.

Yet, I would like to take a page from URJ Eisner Camp’s Director, Louis Bordman, that I think applies to both the camp and synagogue intentional Jewish environment.  At a faculty lunch this past week, Louis told us about how we wanted to create a simple rubric that helped staff (and later campers) judge for themselves appropriate behavior.  He created two separate circles - Camp and Not Camp (in Hebrew lo machaneh).  His staff was invited to put post-its with their ideas of what belonged in each circle.  In “Camp” went behaviors and things that should be a part  of the intentional Jewish environment of camp - things like “respect for others”, “helping those in need”, “being empathetic”, “meaningful worship”, “casual time with friends”, etc.  In the other circle, “not camp” went items like “smoking”, “bullying”, “belittling other campers”, “stealing”, “lying”, etc.  Once the staff (and later campers) had fleshed out together some of what should be in each circle, it became easier for them to generalize what was camp and what was not camp in other situations. Sometimes they had to be reminded by a counselor, “Hey, is that camp or not camp?”, but Louis found it was a simpler and more intuitive way to encourage positive behavior and eliminate negative, without having to have people remember an expanding list of do’s and don’ts.

I believe that this idea would be useful for the Temple as well.  Since we have seen that a synagogue is in many ways the inverse of camp, this job falls on all of us, rather than just one or two of us at the top.  We should think about our behaviors in our Temple Sholom community - Is this something that is Temple Sholom or does not live up to our ideal of Temple Sholom?  As we head toward the New Year, I encourage us to begin this conversation - what is a part of Temple Sholom and what does not fit in the Temple we hope to build?  Let’s work together to put the intention back in our intentional Jewish community.

Rabbi Joel N. Abraham

Jewish Stories #7 - We're Not in Heaven, Either, So Let's Play Nice - Summer 2016

One of the more famous rabbinic arguments in the Talmud is about the kosher status of a particular oven, called the oven of Akhnai.  All the rabbis of the Sanhedrin, but one, agreed the halakhah went a certain way.  That one, Rabbi Eliezer ben Hyrcanus, disagreed - holding out against the majority.  To prove his point, he performed several miracles, the pinnacle of which was when a voice from heaven called out that he was right. Rabbi Joshua, representing the rest of the rabbis, quoted the Torah in parashat Nitzavim saying, “Lo bashamayim hi - it is not in the heavens”, meaning that God had given us Jewish law to interpret, and therefore the voice from heaven was irrelevant. Rabbi Eliezer stormed off. Some time later, Rabbi Natan ran into the prophet Elijah and asked him how God had reacted to this ruling, and he was told that God had said, “My children have bested me.”  The story, however, ends on a tragic note: Rabbi Eliezer remains separate from the community and one day the bitter force of his prayers kills Rabban Gamliel, the head of the Sandhedrin, and his brother in law.

We think that we may have difficult or awkward Passover seders or Thanksgiving dinners - imagine how hard Ima Shalom (the wife of Eliezer and brother of Gamliel) had to work to live up to her name - “mother of peace” when her family came together.

Sometimes we think we are much better at trying to persuade others of our opinions that in listening to theirs.  When both sides persist in this intellectual egotism, the end is either shouting or the end of the conversation.  I heard about one congregation where the rabbi used her Temple bulletin article to declare a moratorium on all political conversations in the Temple, because they were too divisive.

I’d like to go in the other direction.

A few years ago, the Jewish Council on Public Affairs, looking at the difficulty that the Jewish community had in having conversations about Israel, between those with differing opinions, launched a civility campaign - not only for discussion of Israel, but for all the contentious issues in current conversation (http://civility.jewishpublicaffairs.org/resources/).  The PARDES Institute in Israel created a campaign urging rabbis to be leaders as rodfei shalom - pursuers of peace, creating communities where makhlokets l’shem shamayim -disagreements for the sake of heaven, could be held in peace (http://www.pardes.org.il/program/pcjcr/pardes-rodef-shalom-communities-program/)

In that spirit (and since we all will be voting in the New Jersey primaries on June 7th)  I invite you to join me and make June the month when, here at Temple Sholom, we talk about politics.  But, in order to make this a genuine conversation, a place where we can share our ideas in peace, there are a few rules.

1. B’tzelem elohim - The Torah teaches that ALL of us were created in the image of God. Therefore, please assume that the person you are speaking with is just as intelligent and thoughtful as you are, even if, to you, their conclusions seem to belie that fact.
2. L’shem shamayim - The purpose of the conversation is not to convince the other person, but to understand where they are coming from.  Only then can you find what you have in common, and where you both (and we all) can move forward together.
3. Kavod, kavod, kavod - Remember to have respect for that other person, even if you do not share their beliefs, or they are not convinced by your arguments.  They have had the courage to open themselves up to you, and have given you the courtesy of hearing what you have to say. Please give the same in return.
4. Rodef shalom - Be of the disciples of Aaron, seeking peace.  Peace is not the absence of disagreement.  The word shalom is related to the word shalem, which means wholeness.  To have peace, we must acknowledge everyone’s different opinions, whether or not we agree.  Otherwise, we are not whole and we are certainly not at peace.  Infuriated silence is not peace.
5. Anavah - Speak with humility.  Remember to start statements with “I believe” and “I feel” rather than telling other people what they are thinking.  You don’t know (yet), and you won’t find out if you tell them you already know.

I look forward to listening to you - and listen to you listen to each other, in the month to come.

Rabbi Abraham

Jewish Stories #6 - Meeting at the Holy Spot in the Middle - April/May 2016

There is a legend, not as old as perhaps it should be, about how the site for the Temple in Jerusalem was chosen from among all other mountains.  The story tells of two brothers -  one, married with a large family; and the other, single - who lived on either side of a mountain in what would one day be Jerusalem.  One year, when the harvest was perhaps not so abundant as usual, the single brother got to thinking about his married brother.  He realized that his brother had so many mouths to feed in his family, that this harvest might seem even more scant.  So, in the middle of the night, he gathered up some of his grain, and headed, in the dark, over to his brother’s granary, with the intent of leaving his gift in secret.  On that same night, the married brother reasoned to himself that his unmarried brother had no one else to help him tend his land, or bring in his harvest.  Therefore, the single brother would have even less of a harvest and find it more difficult to survive.  So, the married brother loaded up his arms with grain, with the intent of leaving it secretly in his single brother’s granary.  The night was dark, and the brothers made their way carefully over the mountain.  Just as they each reached the summit, they ran smack into each other.  They looked at the grain in each other’s arms and realized what was going on.  They dropped their bundles, and embraced.  The legend says that, because of the great and selfless love of these brothers, God chose to put the Temple and the holiest of holies on that spot.

As our Board and Temple leadership introduce a new concept of how to support and maintain our synagogue, they are looking at what makes up our community of choice.  The reality, that we all know, is that no one, in this day and age, is forced to be a member of a synagogue.  Unlike other countries, where public monies support religious institutions, based on the number of adherents who so identify in the general population, churches and synagogues and mosques and temples are supported by the voluntary giving of their members and supporters.  Not just by the giving of money, but by the time, presence, and hands-on work offered by those members.  One of the things that we are thinking about is the why.  Why should it be that people should give of themselves for a place they do not have to belong to?  What is it about this congregation that is worth our love and our toil?

The story of the two brothers can serve as an ideal for how we view Temple Sholom.  We can see that the brothers are not asking what they get out of the harvest, but worrying about what the other will have or lack.  Once they have reached that level of compassion, they then pick themselves up and do something to meet that need - not publicly, not in a way that would embarrass the other, but quietly, and without fanfare.

There is a reason that we have come together in this holy place to build (and re-build) Temple Sholom.  The reason is the community that we have built together, over the last century, and that we imagine into the next century.  We want a place where we know that we are taken care of, where we trust that others will consider our needs, even as we consider theirs.  We want a place where we may even enjoy spending time with the people that we do not know yet, because we know that we share the same values of community.

We meet not in our own homes, but in a place which we have chosen together - a place that may not perfectly fit exactly what we want, but is stronger because it is a balance of what we all need.  Temple Sholom is not the dream of one individual; it is the collective vision of all of us.  We meet together, with an armload of grain, in the dark of night, on top of a mountain, and we find the care and concern that we need.  We may not embrace every time we meet, but we feel the holiness of this space - the sacred meeting place of our people.